Thursday, January 13, 2005

I like cheesecake

So much it hurts

Only recently have I finally taken it upon myself to learn how to make a cheesecake, and frankly I wish I hadn't. Because goddamn.

It's like crack. No, crack is bad. It's like all of the goodness of heaven and earth condensed down into a bite of creamy sugary smooth holiness. Eating it is to know that despite overwhelming proof to the contrary, there is a reason for human existence.

We're talking about five ingredients here, my friends. Five ingredients and a graham cracker crust. Cream cheese. Sugar. Sour cream. Vanilla extract. An impertinent squirt of lemon juice. Good God almighty.

I will accept no suggestions for alternative recipes, especially those involving eggs or spices or what have you. You do what you want in your own kitchen, pal, but leave me to my five ingredients and my bliss.

I want to go in the kitchen right now and eat cheesecake for breakfast, but I will resist because that would not be respectful of the cheesecake.

Oh my god. I have strawberries in there, too.

09:28 AM |  permalink |

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Lyrical genius maybe but what a dumbass

Eminem gots some regrets, yo

I be quoting:

US presidential candidate John Kerry might have got some votes had Eminem released his anti-Bush single and accompanying video much before the election, or so he thinks.

According to Rate the music, Eminem released 'Mosh' just before the election, but he fears he could have swung the vote against the President if the track was released two weeks earlier.

"I do got a little bit of regrets about that," he was quoted as saying.

"I never been the militant-type political rapper."

Yo yo yo, holmes! Word. I got some advice, maybe you don't got no time to listen but listen up anyways homey. Go ahead and be a militant political rapper, because yo yo yo, it's tons of fun for me to watch the same liberals, homosexuals, feminists who wanted you to just die a few years ago (back when you wuz all hatin' on the gays and the bitches) try to figure out what to make of you now that you be actin' as an anti-Bush asspiece.

Word up!

08:37 AM |  permalink | Category: Celebs who open their pieholes

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Down with Philadelphia

Vikes by 10 on Sunday

First, more on Mr. Randy Moss, who apparently is quite a charitable and helpful young man, at least part of the time.

FYI, in case you haven't already heard, Green Bay fans have a tradition of mooning the visiting team's bus. So there was a reason for Randy's choice of gesture. And I assert again that those announcers acted like little whiny bitches about the whole thing. "That was an absolutely disgusting display by Randy Moss, boo-hoo, make the bad man stop". I mean please. Sissies! Here's more on others' reactions.

Anyhow, I'm not so sure about my prediction that Philly will kick the ass of Minnesota, for various reasons but mostly because John explained things to me and I read some stuff here. So, dang that would be sweet if the Vikings could beat the Eagles, because there are few things more delightful than watching the Boo-Birds (the fans) turn all crestfallen and sad. Especially the ones dressed up for the game with face paint and giant eagle beaks atop their heads. It's better than the Special Olympics.

P.S. I know my site is jacked up in Explorer, thanks to all who let me know. I'll fix it soon. In the meantime, I highly recommend Mozilla Firefox as an alternative browser that's highly superior to Explorer. I'm not even going to dignify Netscape with a mention, except that I just did. Oh well.

09:22 AM |  permalink | Category: Sports by Rachel

Thanks!!

To the following people

Michael J. and Charlene C. for the LOTR books, David and Ceri V. for the Sacred CD and Pink Floyd DVD, and Joseph C. for the headphones. You people are awesome and generous, and I appreciate the gifts very much. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

I think a couple of other books have been bought off the wish list but I don't know yet who the givers are - thanks in advance.

It's like a little geeky spa treatment - I can listen to beautiful new music through excellent new headphones while reading new-to-me Tolkien texts. Bliss. Thank you.

08:49 AM |  permalink |

PSA

I haven't checked my e-mail since last week. I like to mention this occasionally for new readers who don't already know that I have great difficulty keeping up with e-mail, so if you've written to me, please do not take it personally if you haven't heard back. I don't respond to most because I don't have enough time or typing energy left, but thanks for writing and liking my blog. It pleases me that my blog pleases you.

08:48 AM |  permalink |

Monday, January 10, 2005

I like Randy Moss

Green Bay sucks

I don't care what you say, Brett Favre is not a football god (despite Madden's claim thereof a couple of weeks ago) and Green Bay is not a great team, and it was really a pleasure to watch them get beat up yesterday by Minnesota. I normally desire losses by Minnesota, as part of my lifelong acting-out of resentment against that state for being so cold when I lived there many years ago, but for some reason yesterday I rilly wanted to see Randy Moss score a few touchdowns and then do something inappropriate that would make the commentators bitch about him like little prissy prudes. And sure enough, Randy came through for me.

Excellent. Just what I had in mind.

Now, I would have preferred a real mooning instead of fake, and it would have been quite something to hear the commentators after that - I'm thinking medical attention may have been necessary - but nonetheless. I am satisfied with the pseudo-moon, and look forward to more of that when they play Philadelphia, although Philadelphia will prolly take the Vikings out to the woodshed, beat them, and leave them for dead. Figuratively.

08:55 AM |  permalink | Category: Sports by Rachel

Friday, January 07, 2005

Now I have something to blog about

And it's helpful at the same time

After crafting my last masterpiece of a post, I felt a twinge of guilt for admitting that I haven't checked my e-mail in a long while and then still not even checking it after the admission. So I checked it. And learned thereby that I wasn't the only one sick of the sight of that slugfaced hamster-holder.

John R., Dave McK., my sincere apologies. I feel your pain, I really do. It's the same way I feel every time I see a photograph of Michael Moore - sheer, terrifying horror. It is gazing upon irrefutable proof that there is no benevolent God. It is to lose one's libido for days and days.

In recompense for inflicting such suffering upon you and upon the untold numbers of other innocents who happened to visit my blog while Hamster Boy was atop the page, I offer the following.

First, Kirsten, because she's the troops' favorite, and because in this photo she seems to be saying she's here to help, what with the red cross and all:

Second, a bonus of Beyonce, because she's fabulous:

There. I feel confident that the appropriate actions have been taken to show my remorse and regret for this week's unfortunate spectacle of the unseemly Richard Gere photo on this blog. I should know better by now than to be cruel to my kind readers, to create bad karma for myself by perpetuating evil, i.e., forcing others to behold that which is unnatural and wrong, such as the face of Richard Gere, lover of hamsters and/or gerbils, I never can remember which. But enough about him, that's the last mention. I swear it.

11:05 AM |  permalink |

There is nothing to blog about

Plus I'm lazy

The news is boring. I have no anger this week. We wouldn't want me to write vacuous crap just for the sake of posting. Like usual. It's cold. I'm sorry I don't write more or even check my e-mail. I'm a horrible blogger and lazy. Mostly it's the fault of the weather. See, I shouldn't have even posted anything - but I had to get that gay-lookin' Gere photo moved down the page a little.

10:11 AM |  permalink |